The Nairobi Index

An assemblage of wacky realities of living in Kenya:

Milk in a box that lasts – unrefrigerated – for over a year. (Yes, we think it’s actually bovine.)

People routinely showing up an hour late for appointments, if not blowing you off entirely.

Getting a “yes” answer regardless of what question is asked.

Watching policemen hitching rides with random cars because they don’t have their own.

Having private security companies, who do have cars, pick up the police to bring them to the scene of a crime.

Cost of a phone call from one cell phone provider to another in Nairobi: $0.50 per minute.

Cost of a call from a cell phone in Nairobi to any number in New York (or anywhere in the U.S. or Europe, for that matter): $0.35 per minute.

Lories (18-wheelers) driving without headlights at night on the Mombasa Highway (a.k.a. “The Nairobi-Mombasa Deathtrap”).

A sample list of consumer items being hawked car-to-car by vendors walking the streets of Nairobi: newspapers; steering wheel covers; cowboy hats; inflatable pool toys; shoes (used); fruit; peanuts; jumper cables (that don’t work because the wires are too thin to conduct electricity); soccer balls; sunglasses; tool kits; Maxim magazine; blank CDs; 2-month old Economists; cell phone adapters; belts; calculators; and shirts (used).

Adult men touching themselves at moments of anxiety and stress during business meetings and other social encounters.

Being the center of people’s attention as a mazungu (white person) when amidst a predominantly Kenyan crowd.

Ensuring that the gas station attendent not fill your unleaded-only car with leaded petrol. The official government line is that Kenya is now 100% unleaded. Not.

Needing to specify that you want your beer “cold” (“baridi”) because warm beer apparently is all the rage.

Not being able to open a post office box because they’ve lost the keys to the vacant boxes and cannot find anyone to change the locks.

Moving into a 4-bedroom furnished house with a dog, cat, water distiller, American appliances, backup generator, dedicated satellite internet dish, housekeeper, and gardener for six months FOR FREE because the tenant needed to return to the U.S. due to health problems and her employer – the U.S. government – is paying all the bills. This is where your tax dollars are going!

Come see for yourself!